That Ol' Wind
by THE Imzadi Fan
Summary: Riker accepts command of the Aries. 10 years later when he returns to the Enterprise, he finds out a huge secret Deanna kept from him. I suck at summaries, please check it out!
1. Chapter 1

Authors Notes: This story was semi inspired by the song of the same title by Garth Brooks. It has such a great story, I decided to Imzadi-fy it a little. The timeline for this chapter is season 2, when Will is offered the command of the Aries. Instead of turning it down, he accepts it. Chapter 2 will also be set in season 2. Beginning with Chapter 3, all chapters will be set 10 years after chapter 2. It is rated T fo a bit of sex but there is nothing graphic about it. Also, this is my first attempt at a Star Trek story, so please be kind! I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing Star Trek related...I don't own the characters or the ship or anything. I'm not making anything off the story, I'm just playing with the characters in my own little Imzadi world for awhile.

*****

Will Riker sat alone in a back corner of Ten Forward, staring at his empty glass. He had been offered his own ship, the USS Aries, and had decided to accept it. A bit earlier he had shared a celebratory drink with his fellow bridge officers; even the captain had joined them. Everyone had been there…everyone but the one person he wanted there the most; his best friend, his Imzadi. Yet the ship's counselor was nowhere to be seen. He hadn't seen her since she hurriedly left the bridge two days ago after Captain Picard made the announcement.

He would never forget the look on her face when she heard he was accepting a command position, not from him, but from the captain. Running a hand over his face, Will sighed. He couldn't fault the captain for making the announcement on the bridge after the commander had informed him he would be accepting the Aries; Will could have asked him to hold off a few days on making any kind of announcement to give him time to get his affairs in order, or more accurately to tell Deanna Troi he was leaving…again…and yet he hadn't. He hadn't even asked the captain to give him five minutes to pull her aside and tell her himself so she wouldn't be completely blindsided. He hadn't even told her he'd been offered a promotion and his own ship. And the consequences of that action, the look of pain and betrayal etched on her beautiful features as she quickly made her escape from the bridge, would be forever engraved in his memory…and he hated himself for it.

Of course he knew she had been on the bridge in the past two days, however Deanna was a very careful woman. She had obviously checked to make sure her being on the bridge wouldn't coincide with his bridge shift, save an emergency situation. He, in return, had respected her right to privacy and decision to distance herself from him and hadn't tried to approach her. Will knew she needed time to come to terms with the news, to process and sort out her feelings, but he was scheduled to leave in a few days, and more than anything he wanted to make sure things were right with her before he did that; he didn't want to leave things the way they had been left the last time they were separated by his career.

In one swift motion he slammed his hand down on the table and stood, resolving to at least try to speak with Deanna. He understood completely if she refused to see him, but there were things he needed to say to her, and he was determined to say them, even if it meant standing outside her quarters and saying it all through a closed door. He found his way to her quarters quickly, having been a regular visitor hundreds of times within the last two years. He had always been welcome; this time, however, he had no idea how she would receive him.

Deanna sat on the other side of the closed doors, sipping her third hot chocolate of the evening curled up on her sofa. She had scattered PADDs on the table in front of her, but had long since given up on trying to work. She couldn't focus; she hadn't been able to focus for two days. Taking a deep breath, she released it slowly. She knew he was standing outside her door; she sensed him trying to compose his thoughts and figure out what to say to her. She had known he would come find her…had been preparing for what she would say, how she would face him. Grateful he had shown her the courtesy of waiting two days before tracking her down, she placed her mug of cocoa on the table and approached the door. She took one more deep breath before pushing the button to open it, stepping aside and gesturing with her hand for him to enter, her silent invitation to him.

Will entered and watched her, closely studying her as the doors swished shut behind him. She was trying to hide how much this was affecting her, but he could still see the hurt in her dark eyes. Deciding his best bet was to throw himself on the mercy of the court, he sighed. "Deanna, I'm sorry," he finally said softly, his eyes begging her to at least give him a chance. "You should have heard it from me, not in an announcement with the rest of the crew. You mean more to me than that, I owed you more than that, and I'm sorry."

Crossing her arms in front of her, she was silent for a moment, choosing her words carefully. "Will…" she started, changing her mind a few times on what she would say, and having to start over. "Not hearing it from you hurt, but not as much as you leaving me…again," she stated quietly. "I don't want you to leave, Will," she added, looking at him with tears in her eyes.

Immediately the commander took her in his arms, embracing her tightly, relieved that instead of fighting his touch, she returned it and slid her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest. Will hated making her cry. He knew he was being selfish, he knew he hadn't thought of anyone other than himself when he'd accepted the command. It was what he had wanted for so long, or at least what he thought he wanted. Now he couldn't help but realize that maybe it wouldn't be enough. He might get his command, but he wouldn't have anyone to share it with...not the person he wanted to share it all with. "Come with me."

Deanna looked up at him, her dark eyes red from crying. "What?"

"Come with me," he repeated, bringing a hand up to her face, gently wiping the tears off her cheeks with his thumb. "Put in for a transfer and come with me."

His assumption that she would just drop everything in her life to pick up and move with him simply because he asked ticked her off a bit. Pushing away from him as her temper flared, she managed not to slap him for being such a jerk. "You expect me to just quit…to walk away from everything I have worked so hard to achieve, just so you can take command of your new ship with a clear conscience? I have a career too, Will, and I for one like it here! I'm not going to give it all up because you decide you want a familiar face to stroke your ego. I'm sure there are plenty of eager women on board the Aries and in deep space who would happily become a familiar face to warm the bed of the legendary Will 'The Thrill' Riker, I don't have to be there to see it."

"Deanna…Imzadi…" Will tried to calm her down, only to be interrupted.

Fire flashed in her eyes as he used the term of endearment they so frequently used with each other. "Don't. Do not call me that right now. You don't have the right to use that word with me," she stated lowly, angrily. "Since you have been on board this ship, you have slept with more women than I can count, and that's not including your away missions. So don't waltz in here calling me Imzadi and expect me to give up my life to go watch you bed half of deep space!" she balled her hands into fists and took a deep breath to help control her anger. She hated being angry, and right now she hated him…hated that he could get this type of reaction from her.

Will lowered his head slightly. She was right. They had no claims on each other; she had probably tried in the beginning, but he had brushed it off. He figured fate had brought them back together for a reason, that she would always be there for him, so he admittedly took her for granted. He had more than a few girlfriends, even more flings and one night stands…she had every right to be angry he'd just asked her to walk away from where she'd become comfortable and made friends, made a career, just to follow him. It would be different if they were married or engaged, even seriously dating. But he hadn't seen fit to commit to her yet, just assuming when he was ready to settle down, she'd be there. And in all honesty, he wasn't sure he would stop his womanizing ways if she did join him on his new ship. "I'm sorry, I had no right to ask that of you. I do care about you, though…very much. And I will miss you. You're my best friend."

"You'll find a new best friend," Deanna shot back quickly.

Shaking his head, Will risked touching her again, gently lifting her face with his hand under her chin. "No one can beat you, though," he said honestly. "I know you're upset with me, Deanna…I understand that, and I don't blame you. I'll leave you alone…but I don't want to leave it like this. There is a going away celebration of sorts in Ten Forward tomorrow night. It would mean a lot to me if you could be there." He waited, expecting an answer. When he got nothing but silence, he sighed. "I'm sorry," he said again, once more taking his life in his hands and pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "I hope to see you tomorrow night," he said, exiting her quarters then and mentally kicking himself for making an even bigger mess. That hadn't gone at all how he had planned it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: This chapter, as with chapter 1, takes place in season 2. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Same as with Chapter 1...I still don't own anything or anyone, just having fun!

*****

The commander had been at the party in Ten Forward for nearly two hours. He had continually scanned the room, watched the door, hoping for the counselor to show up; she hadn't. He was a bit disappointed, but after the way their conversation the previous night had gone, he couldn't really say he blamed her for not coming. He was in the middle of a conversation with Data and Geordi when he finally saw the doors swish open and the woman he'd been waiting for all evening step inside. "Excuse me, gentlemen. There's someone I need to see," Will politely exited the conversation and made his way over to where Deanna was sitting at the bar. Taking a seat beside her, he offered one of his charming grins. "I'm glad you came."

Deanna remained quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning to face him. "I almost didn't," she admitted. She was quiet for another couple of seconds, looking back to her hands. "Can we talk?"

Nodding, Will stood and offered his hand to help her off the bar stool. He let her lead the way, remaining silent as he followed her, his hand gently in the small of her back as they moved. He studied her closely on the way to her quarters, trying to prepare himself for whatever she was going to throw at him once they were inside and alone. She seemed calmer than last night; it didn't seem that she had been crying. Then again, he also knew she could work wonders with makeup, so if she had been crying, it was entirely possible she had hidden any visible signs of it. Once inside her quarters, he finally broke the silence. "Deanna, what's going on?"

She turned to face him, taking a minute to compose her thoughts before beginning. She had to get through this; she had to say this now in case she didn't have a chance later. "Will…you mean the world to me. You are my Imzadi; that is forever. It's not a bond that can be broken no matter how far you travel. You will always have a special place in my heart. But I can't go with you," she began, her words soft and calm; she had obviously spent time thinking them over before she found him. "It's not because I don't care about you. I have never and will never care about another the way I care about you. But what you're asking me to do…" she trailed off shaking her head.

"Deanna…" he started, only to find her slender fingers over his lips, silencing him.

"Shh, I need to finish this," she interrupted. "If things were different between us…if we were married or engaged, or even in a serious relationship…my answer might be different. But I have worked extremely hard to get assigned to the Federation's flagship, and I won't just give it all up to go to a deep space posting without having a legitimate reason to join you. You aren't ready to commit, and I understand that; I'm not asking you to. But I can't walk away from everything I've worked for without it. This won't be your last command, and I can't traipse across the universe following you everywhere you get transferred, hoping you'll finally be ready to settle down. Starfleet won't go for it either, and I think you know that as well. You can't hold back the wind; we found our way back to each other before; if it's meant to be again, we'll find our way back to each other, maybe when we're both ready for it," Deanna finally finished.

Will stood there a moment in silence. Her words had stunned him, cut him. He knew she was right; she couldn't just follow him everywhere he was transferred simply because he was selfish. She was right about Starfleet as well; while it was their tendency to keep married couples together, they made no such promise to anyone else, no matter how close they were. "Don't think I don't love you," he said softly, once the initial stun of her words had worn off.

"I know," came her quiet reply, silently cursing as she blinked back the tears she had sworn she wouldn't shed tonight. "I know," she whispered.

Having caught sight of the tears, he once again pulled her into his strong arms and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "God, I'm a selfish SOB," he realized quietly. He knew he didn't deserve the amazing woman in his arms, especially right now with the way he was breaking her heart. He gently lifted her chin to look up at him, tenderly wiping the tears from her cheeks. Even crying, she was so beautiful; he knew he shouldn't, that it would only cause more problems, but in that moment he couldn't resist. He pressed his lips against hers, lightly at first. She caught him off guard not only by responding, but also with the flood gate of emotions that had broken loose and were mixing with his own due to their bond, and it broke any semblance of control he might have had left. He deepened the kiss, pulling her firmly against him and then backing her into a wall so he could press himself against her, bracing his hands on the wall, one on either side of her.

Deanna, for her part, didn't stop him. She knew she should; she knew her heart would be broken even more so after this, but right now…tonight…she needed him; needed to feel him, to connect with him on every level…physically and emotionally. Her hands running up his chest, she finally broke the kiss slightly. "Make love to me," she breathed, her lips barely a breath away from his. Sensing his hesitation, she looked up into his eyes. "I'm sure. I want this…I need this," she whispered, her lips once again pressed against his, silently pleading with him to put everything else aside for that one night, to just make it about two hearts connecting and finding each other again.

Effortlessly lifting her in his arms, he carried her back to her bedroom, doing his best not to bump into any furniture along the way as his lips never left hers. "You're sure?" Will asked her, placing her gently on the bed and asking once more, just to be sure before he continued any further. A passionate kiss, her tongue eagerly pushing past his lips was all the confirmation he required. Gently laying her back on the bed as he slowly moved over her, his blue eyes met her dark ones with a smile. His fingers searched for the zipper on her clothing, tugging it down as his lips laid soft kisses in the curve of her neck and across her collarbone to her now bare shoulder.

His lips on her bare skin elicited a soft sigh from her lips, one hand tangling in his hair while the other hand easily unzipped his Starfleet uniform sweater, pushing it over his shoulders. She made quick work of his jumpsuit as well, pushing the top part down so she could run her fingers through the hair on his chest. "Imzadi…" she breathed, her black eyes full of repressed passion and desire for him. Every touch, every kiss added to the fire that was already burning over her skin from his ministrations. "Will…" a soft moan escaped as his lips worshipped her body that was now freed from her own clothing.

Will let his hands and lips slowly explore, refamiliarizing himself with every inch of her. "Deanna…you're so beautiful," he whispered lowly, reclaiming her lips with his own once more. He took his time with her to show her just how much he did love her, had missed her and would miss her once he left.

Several hours later, Deanna snuggled up against him, both sweaty and out of breath after fully exploring each other and getting to release their pent up passion. She was quiet for a few long minutes, drawing small circles on his chest with her fingertips. "When are you leaving?" she finally asked in a soft voice.

"I'm supposed to transport to the Hood tomorrow morning," he answered, his voice just as soft. The last thing he wanted was to talk about leaving her. He knew it was coming, but he had a few hours left with her. He just wanted to enjoy being in love with her.

She nodded and kissed his chin, her hand resting flat against his chest then. Remaining silent and enjoying being in the moment with him, she finally looked up into his eyes. "Promise me something?"

"Anything."

Deanna sighed softly before continuing. "When you leave…don't wake me up to tell me goodbye. I have never been able to say goodbye to you…tomorrow morning won't be any different. I want to remember tonight as our last time together, not a long, tearful goodbye."

He was silent for a bit, thinking it over. Will didn't want to sneak out of her bed like nothing had happened. He wanted to wake her up with kisses and make love to her again. Sighing as he realized he was already being selfish, he decided to give her what she wanted. He owed her that much at least. "I promise."

Giving him a tiny smile, she placed a kiss on his lips before snuggling back against him and using his shoulder as a pillow. As she fell asleep, she couldn't help but think how different it would be not having him on the ship with her. Then again, she had survived without him before; she could learn to do it all over again.

Will woke up several hours later. Seeing her still sleeping form, he watched her sleep for as long as he could before carefully disentangling himself from her and hunting for his clothes as quietly as possible. He finished dressing and took a deep breath. This was it; it was goodbye again. He had never second guessed a decision so much his entire life as he was right now. She was so beautiful, so peaceful as she slept. He truly was an idiot. Leaning over, he brushed some of her curls out of her face and moved his lips close to her ear. "I will always love you, Imzadi," he whispered, fighting the tears that stung his eyes. Placing a kiss on her cheek, he let his lips linger on her skin a few extra moments, and then he was gone.

A tear slipped out of Deanna's closed eyes and slid down her cheek. She had been awake as he left; she'd heard his admission, felt his kiss. Now she felt empty…again. Turning over, she pulled his pillow close against her, burying her face in it and inhaling the scent he'd left behind as she cried.

An hour later, the commander walked down the corridor to the transporter room. A large number of the crew had shown up for his departure. They came to attention under the command of Lt. Commander Data, who was set to replace Riker at the executive officer position. Will walked through the doors and came to attention in front of the captain. "Permission to leave the ship, Sir."

"Permission granted…Captain Riker," Picard offered a smile, extending his hand to his now former first officer. "Good luck."

"Thank you, Sir." Will climbed the steps to the transporter platform, looking around the room at the crew he'd served with the past 2 years. He had been hoping to see Deanna there as well, but he knew how she hated goodbyes, so he hadn't expected it. He took a deep breath and sighed. "Energize," he gave the simple command, disappearing in a swirl of orbs seconds later.

Deanna stood in Ten Forward, staring out the window into space. A few tears trickled down her cheeks as she sensed he was no longer on board the ship. "Goodbye Imzadi. I will always love you as well," she whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks before leaving the lounge.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: This chapter and all following chapters take place 10 years after chapter 2. Think the Insurrection look for them, except Riker has a beard, cause I never liked baby face RIker much. This is all I have ready for publishing so far, but I am already working on the rest. Whether you love it or you hate it, please leave a review! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything or anyone, and still having fun with Imzadi-ness!

*****

Captain William Riker looked around the transporter room he'd just beamed into. Ten years…ten long years he'd spent in deep space on his own ship. He was glad to see some things never changed, so far at least. He had been expecting a senior crew member to meet him, however looking around the room again, the only face he saw was a young Ensign he didn't recognize.

"Welcome aboard the Enterprise, Sir. The captain asked me to inform you that he apologizes for not having anyone here to meet you, but that they are all in Ten Forward waiting. If you like, I can show you the way," the young ensign offered.

Chuckling, Will shook his head. "That's alright Ensign. I know the way." As he walked through the corridors, reacquainting himself with his old ship, his thoughts drifted to his departure ten years ago. It was almost ironic that practically everyone had shown up to see him off, yet no one had shown up when he returned. Well, not everyone had seen him off; she hadn't been there. He wondered how she would react to him assuming command of the ship with Picard's retirement. He knew she was still the counselor on the Enterprise; he had made it a point to triple check when he was offered the command. In fact, aside from the fact that he was being offered the ship of his dreams, her presence was the major reason he had been so quick to accept. Stepping off the turbo lift, he couldn't help but wonder how much she may have changed in ten years. Moments later he had his answer.

The party in Ten Forward was in full swing as the new captain stepped into the room. He was immediately greeted by his old friends, all eager to welcome him back. He went down the line greeting them; first, Picard…then Data, who would now become his first officer, Geordi, Worf, Dr. Crusher and her son Wesley, who had definitely grown up. He was now the officer second in command of engineering on the ship. Then he saw her…and he was speechless. She was more beautiful than he remembered. She'd changed her hair, he noted. It was shorter, straighter and a tad lighter. But she still had what he was sure could be classified as the most amazing body in Starfleet, quite possibly the most amazing body in the entire universe.

"Welcome back, Will," Deanna said with a small smile when it seemed as though the man forgot how to even breathe.

A slow grin spread across his face. "Deanna," he finally found his voice and responded. His blue eyes darkened slightly with desire; she was gorgeous, and even better, she was talking to him despite how upset she'd been with him when he left ten years ago. He watched as she walked away then, seemingly uninterested in any lengthy contact with him. He realized then that perhaps she was simply being polite welcoming him back. Maybe she was still upset with him after all these years. He was determined to find out.

His eyes never left her as he made pleasant conversations with the remaining group around him. When he was finally able to politely excuse himself and try to make his way over to her, he was abruptly cut off by the last woman in the world he wanted to see: Lwaxana Troi.

"Just where do you think you are going, Captain?" she asked, clearly in the mood to play mother hen and thwart any and all attempts he might have at upsetting her daughter.

Will gave her a polite smile. "Lwaxana Troi. How good to see you again. What brings you to the Enterprise this time?"

Laughing, Lwaxana shook her head. "Oh dear boy, did you really think I would miss Captain Picard's farewell party?" she asked. Of course the party was also to welcome Riker back, but Lwaxana wasn't happy he had returned. The only reason she had to be there concerning him was to make sure he didn't go anywhere near her daughter.

"Of course not. If you'll excuse me," he attempted to move around her, his eyes going back to Deanna. When she cut him off, he tried going the other way, only to be stopped again.

"You're quite the dancer, Will. However, no amount of fancy footwork is going to get you anywhere near my daughter this evening, or any other evening if I have anything to say about it. I don't care if you are the new captain of this ship. You've hurt her too many times; now just stay away from her," she informed the man, making it obvious that as long as she was around, there was no way he was getting anywhere near the beautiful Betazoid.

Sighing, he ran a hand over his beard. "Mrs. Troi, I have no intention of hurting Deanna. I simply want to talk with her. We're good friends, and I haven't spoken with her in ten years. I've missed her."

"Then perhaps you should have thought about that before you left her again."

Will had to bite his tongue. The woman in front of him was infuriating, but she was also right. It had been his decision to leave, not Deanna's. His missing her was his own fault. Rather than make a big scene, he nodded his agreement and backed off, stopping by the bar to get a drink before retreating to the opposite side of the room.

"That was quite unnecessary, Mother," Deanna stated as her mother took a seat next to her. She'd watched as her mother intercepted the man, and although she hadn't heard what was said, from the expression on Will's face, Deanna knew it had been a less than pleasant exchange.

"I'm only trying to protect you and Thomas, Little One," Lwaxana stated, defending herself.

Cringing inwardly at the use of the nickname, she sighed. "Thank you, but I don't need protection from Will; neither does Thomas. We'll be just fine with the new captain." At least she was hoping that everything would go smoothly. She suspected once Will found out about Thomas he would be a little upset he hadn't been told, but she believed she knew him well enough to know that once he got past his initial reaction, he would understand…hopefully…and they could go about repairing their friendship.

"Are you planning on telling him?"

Sighing, Deanna finished the water in her glass and placed it lightly back on the table. "Of course. He's on the Enterprise, Thomas and I are on the Enterprise. Even if I wasn't planning on telling him, Will is a smart man; he'd figure it out. All he has to do is take one look at him…Thomas looks just like him." She wasn't exactly sure when or how to tell Will about him, but she was definitely planning on it. He deserved to know. She had kept it from him for ten years; she couldn't keep it from him any longer, especially having to look at him every day.

Watching her across the room, Will emptied his glass as well as he only gave half of his attention to Captain Picard. He picked up most of Picard's dialogue about how he would miss the ship, the crew, the missions and exploring in general, but he was going to fully enjoy spending time with his nephew and taking over the vineyard after the passing of his brother. He politely nodded and made a few answers, but his eyes never left the counselor.

Picard noticed the woman who currently had his former first officer's attention and smiled slightly. Will was in for a huge surprise when he finally got to talk to her. "She's yours now, Will. Take good care of her. Otherwise, I'll have to come out of retirement to properly handle the situation."

Assuming the captain was referencing the Enterprise, he nodded. "I will. Don't worry, the ship is in good hands."

"The Enterprise isn't the only female I was referring to," Picard patted his friend's shoulder before walking away, leaving the younger man to his thoughts.

Will watched as Lwaxana finally departed the party, following the captain out to harass him one last time. He took a deep breath, gathering his confidence and started to make his way toward Deanna, his face falling as she too got up and left before he had the chance to get close enough to get her attention. He left then as well, knowing he had only a small timeframe to find Deanna and talk to her before the captain found an escape from Lwaxana. The computer informed him that the counselor was now in her quarters, and he began the familiar trip, stopping after a moment and thinking to check to see if she was still in the same quarters. It had been ten years; maybe she'd moved. Hearing that her quarters had indeed moved, he made his way to the new destination and rang the chime, waiting patiently for her to invite him in.

Hearing the chime, Deanna took a deep breath. She knew who was standing on the other side of those doors, and quite honestly, she wasn't sure if she was ready to deal with him. Of course she knew she had to sooner or later, but she wasn't sure what to say to him after ten years, not to mention how she was going to explain Thomas to him. "Come in," she finally called. She watched as he stepped inside and could tell from the desire radiating off him that he was interested in trying to reconnect with her on a more intimate level.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you again. I've missed you, Deanna." He almost called her Imzadi, but then decided that using that term after ten years apart may make her more angry than anything else, and he really preferred to not start things out by ticking her off and having her deck him.

She gave him a small, yet still very genuine, smile. "I've missed you too. Ten years is a long time. I've changed, though…you should know that." The last thing she wanted was for him to come strolling in and assume things could just pick up where they had left off; too much had changed that he didn't know about yet.

Will moved closer with a smile and lightly brushed her cheek with his hand. "Come on, Dea…things can't have changed that much in ten years. You're still you, I'm still me…we're back together, just like old times," he grinned. "Although I must say that you are much more beautiful than I remember."

Rolling her eyes, Deanna shook her head at his attempt to charm her with flattery. He was quite good at it, she had to admit. "Thank you, but a lot has happened in ten years, and before you come rushing back in here, ready to sweep me off my feet and try to restart our friendship like no time has passed, there are a couple of things I need to tell you."

"Why? Nothing you say is going to change how I feel about you, Imzadi," he said softly, using the term of endearment to make his point. "Imzadi is forever; you taught me that."

"You may want to hold off on that until you hear what I have to tell you," she informed him. She loved that he was so sure nothing could change how much he cared for her, but there was no way even in his wildest dreams he would consider what she was about to tell him as a possibility.

Will held her face in his hands with a smile. "I've missed you, Imzadi," he whispered, past the point of paying attention to what she was trying to tell him. He stepped closer and had barely brushed his lips against hers when he heard a young voice and looked up, seeing a boy of about nine or ten with blue eyes and dark hair.

"Mom?" he asked, looking a bit confused at the sight of his mother in the arms of a man he had never seen before.

Deanna shot Will a look, pushing away from him and moving to stand behind the boy. "Thomas, this is William Riker. He's the new captain. Will, this is Thomas…he's my son." She watched the look of shock on his face and felt incredibly guilty. "Thomas, why don't you go back to bed? I'll come check on you in a bit, ok?" she suggested to the boy. The last thing she needed was to cause a huge scene in front of her son. He didn't know who his father was, and she could only handle one explanation at a time.

She was about to try to begin explaining things to Will when he beat her to it. "You're married?" he naturally assumed. "You have a kid? And you didn't think to tell me?"

Deanna again was about to respond when her mother entered without bothering to ring the chime to announce her presence. She'd heard Will asking about a child, and naturally assumed that he was reacting to her daughter telling the new captain that in addition a new ship, he was also a father. "See, Deanna, I told you that you shouldn't tell him! I told you he would react like this. Not all men are cut out to be fathers; just because you shared one night of passion and he's the biological father does not mean you should have told him he has a son!" she vented.

"What? The boy…Thomas…I'm his father?" Will asked, in a completely new state of shock.

"Thank you Mother. I hadn't told him yet, but you certainly solved the problem of how," the counselor sighed. This was not how she wanted him to find out they had a child together. Of course she hadn't wanted him to find out by seeing the child either. None of this was going how she wanted it to go.

Lwaxana sensed she had really put her foot in her mouth this time. "You know, I think I'm just going to say goodnight to Thomas and go to my quarters." When she caught the look from her daughter, she changed her mind. "Or I could just go to my quarters. I can see my grandson in the morning," she said, making a very quick exit. It was quite possibly the first time she had ever really been sorry about opening her mouth. She may be nosy and interfere, but even she knew that this particular subject was off limits.

Taking a deep breath, Deanna bit her lip, preparing herself for the onslaught of questions and accusations she suspected were about to be fired her way now that her mother had made her abrupt exit. She didn't have to be Betazoid to sense the anger, hurt and confusion coming from the man standing across from her. "Will…I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way."

Will was quiet for a long time, digesting the news and trying to understand why she hadn't told him. He also remained silent because he was afraid if he opened his mouth, he might say something in anger right then that he might not be able to take back later and would end up regretting. He loved Deanna, but he couldn't remember a time he'd ever been so angry with someone in his life, and he found it strange that it was his Imzadi who was the focus of such anger; she had been right when she said she had changed, things had changed. Things had seriously changed. He finally took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" he finally felt calm enough to ask her.

"Because I know you. You're a good man, and you would have given up everything you dreamt of to do the right thing. You've wanted to be a Starfleet captain since before I met you. I didn't want to be the anchor that weighed you down; I didn't want to make you feel like I trapped you; and most of all, I didn't want you to end up resenting me or the baby because you gave up your dreams for us. You made your priorities clear to me on two different occasions, Will. I knew if you stayed, it wouldn't have been because of me, and no woman wants to be a man's second choice. Your main priority has always been your career…I have always understood that. I wasn't going to be the one who stood in your way," Deanna explained. She didn't expect him to understand and be okay with everything right then, but she hoped that after a couple of days when the initial shock wore off, he might understand her point of view and be a little less upset with her. "Besides, by the time I found out I was pregnant, you were already in deep space and settling in. The last thing I wanted was to add to the stress of taking a new command."

"That wasn't your call to make! It was my decision; I had the right to know. I had the right to be the one to decide whether or not to give it up and come back. My priorities could have changed with that news, but you didn't even give me the chance. This is something I would expect from your mother, but I never expected something like this from you. I guess you're like your mother after all," he shot back angrily.

Comparing her to her mother was a low blow. Deanna loved her mother, but she did not want to be like her at all. "I'm sorry. I did what I thought was the right thing," she once again apologized. "I didn't want you to feel obligated. I knew how important getting your own command was to you. And be honest…you weren't exactly looking to become a father. It would put a damper not only on your dreams, but on your way with the ladies. I wasn't going to ask you to change your lifestyle on something that we didn't plan for."

"Ten years! I sent you messages, and I never got one back. You could have told me, I would have abided by your wishes! Damn it, Deanna, I deserved to know I was a father! I deserved to at least get to see him born or even pictures. I deserved to at least have the option to be there, whether or not you wanted me in his life. You owed me at least that!" he yelled at her, finding it increasingly difficult to control how angry and upset he was at having this huge secret kept from him, and of course hearing it from her mother on accident wasn't helping matters any either.

She followed and understood his angry comments until he said she owed him. She let the rest of his comments slide because she knew he did have the right to be upset. But claiming she owed him something when everything that happened was a result of his choice to leave caused her temper to flare. "I owe YOU?! It was YOUR decision to leave, it was YOUR decision to take a deep space command, it was YOUR decision to make your career your priority on more than one occasion with me. What the hell was I supposed to think you wanted? What the hell was I supposed to do? You made it clear you wanted to be captain more than you wanted a relationship with me, or anything else for that matter. So don't you dare start talking about me owing you a damn thing!" she responded hotly, stepping toe to toe with him. Deanna didn't get angry often, and it was even rarer she was angry enough to use profanity, but him claiming she owed him something after the way he left her, not just once, but twice, had her seeing red.

Will was caught off guard by her sudden flare of anger. He swallowed hard as she stepped that close to him while she yelled at him. No matter how angry he was, he found himself quite turned on by how incredibly sexy she was when she was that hot with anger; he'd never seen her that angry, but he kind of liked it. He had to remind himself that he was angry, she had kept a huge secret from him; otherwise he was going to let the fact that he was a man take over and grab her, push her back against a wall and get reacquainted with her in a very intimate way.

Sensing the desire and pure lust radiating off him just as the anger was radiating off her, Deanna's eyes narrowed and she got angrier. "Don't even think about it. You are not getting anywhere close to me right now. This is your biggest problem…you're a man whore and think only with the head in your pants!" she said in a low voice.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it ten years ago when I gave you what you wanted before I left," Will shot back in the same low voice, staring straight into her dark eyes. When he saw the look she was giving him, he realized that if he hadn't already crossed a line, that one statement alone had just done it. He was still angry with her, of course, but he knew that after the things he'd just said to her because of said anger that she had just as much right to be angry with him. So he clenched his jaw and simply left without another word. He knew one of them would seek the other out in a few days to clear the air, but if either of them said or did anything else then, their relationship and friendship could quite possibly be damaged beyond repair.

Deanna watched the doors close and took a few very deep breaths to calm down once Will had gone. She was willing to admit he had every right to be angry and upset with her, but some of the things he had said had gone too far. Of course she had never seen him quite so angry before, and she was hoping once he had a chance to calm down they could both agree to apologize for things that were said when things got a little out of hand. She ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head at the mess she'd made of things. Who was the counselor supposed to go to when she needed some counseling?


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes and Disclaimer: Sorry it took so long to get this part up and running...holidays are very busy! Hopefully I will get to the next part a bit quicker. Also for you country music fans, you may recognize some phrases that seem similar to 2 other country songs. You would be correct if you think "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You" by Kelli Pickler and "What Can I Say" by Carri Underwood (featuring Sons of Sylvia). Those songs SCREAM Imzadi to me...and some of the lyrics sort of fit this situation...so I rephrased them a bit. I don't own either song...they belong to the respective artists and song writers...but they are awesome songs, and I highly recommend listening to them at least once! I'm not making money off anything in this story...everything Star Trek is all property of Paramount and the Roddenbury estate and stuff...I own nothing, I just play with them and try to make ammends for the lack of Imzadi action in the TV show. So all that said, please read and enjoy...and if you feel so inclined, feedback would be appreciated. It would probably help me be inspired to write faster, lol. And again, think the Insurrection look for Riker and Troi...and Riker of course has the dreamy beard because he's just sexier that way.

****

It had been three days since Will had returned and found out about Thomas. In that time, Deanna had neither seen nor heard from him. She had steered clear of any trips to the bridge or anywhere she sensed he may be. When he was ready to talk…calmly…she knew he would come find her. In the meantime, she would hopefully find some useful advice in her best friend.

"I've never seen him so angry," Deanna stated with a sigh, keeping an eye on her son, who was seated a few tables over in Ten Forward with three girls his age. "The entire time I've known him, he's never been that angry at anyone or anything…much less with me. Maybe I should have told him a long time ago that he was Thomas' father."

Beverly shook her head with a smile. "You did what you thought you had to do. He left you, remember that. He wanted his career, not a family; he made that clear to you. He's shocked. Once that wears off, I'm sure he'll be as reasonable as a man can be expected to be."

Sighing again, the counselor shrugged. "I hope so. I can't continue avoiding him forever. The Enterprise is big, but it's not that big."

Noticing the man in question had entered Ten Forward and was making his way over to them, the doctor stood with a smile. "I don't think you're going to have to worry with that anymore. I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you have things to discuss," she excused herself, offering Deanna's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and stopping Will before he had reached his destination. "I don't care if you are the captain…if you hurt her or her son, I will hurt you," she warned him seriously.

Will nodded, believing the woman completely. He had no doubt in his mind that Beverly would use her medical training to make him suffer. Continuing on his path to Deanna, he stopped beside the chair the doctor had been occupying. "Mind if I sit down?" he asked her.

"Be my guest," Deanna nodded. Before she could say more, Thomas came running over to her, followed by the three girls he had been sitting with.

"Mom, can I go back to Sydney's quarters with them? Her mom is making chocolate brownies! Please?!" he asked, his blue eyes taking on a twinkle she used to see in Will's eyes when he was excited over something. It was almost impossible for her to say no to him.

She gave him a smile and nodded. "Ok. You may go with your friends, but be back in our quarters in time for dinner. And don't eat so many brownies that it spoils your appetite," she told him, her fingers ruffling his hair lightly.

"Mom…not in front of Sydney…" he whined softly, before taking the girl's hand and running off with his friends.

"I blame you for that, you know," Deanna stated, watching her son run off with his three female friends before turning back to Will.

"Excuse me?" he asked, confused.

She rolled her eyes. "Our son has apparently inherited your love of women…he's nine and a half, and already he has three girls occupying his time. He has your good looks, your charm and your love of women. It's not a good combination," she told him.

Chuckling, Will grinned. "That's my boy." Receiving a kick in the ankle under the table, he winced. "I'm sure he won't be as bad as I was; he has you for a mother. I know you will teach him that being the womanizer I was is not always the best approach to dealing with women," he said, trying to smooth it over, so to speak. Deciding to change the subject a bit, he smiled again. "He obviously inherited your love of chocolate."

"Well, he got your looks, a good bit of your personality and your charm…he had to inherit something from me," she shrugged. "He's also beginning to sense things from people. It's not very strong yet, but he knows what it is, and he's handling it very well. It's mostly from people he shares a strong bond with…which is why we need to discuss your involvement in his life."

Nodding slowly, he took a deep breath. "I want to get to know him. He seems like a great kid."

Deanna smiled. "He is. He's very mature for his age," she beamed. After a moment of silence, she sighed. "He doesn't know you're his father. I don't want to tell him if you don't want to be involved in his life in that way. But whatever you want, you need to decide, because he's going to start sensing things from both of us, and he's going to have questions."

Again he nodded. "I understand. I would like the chance to be his father…or at least let him know that I am, and that I'm there for him if he wants a relationship with me," he decided. "Has he ever asked about me?"

"All he knows is what I've told him…that his father is a man from my past whom I loved very much, but we couldn't be together anymore; and that his father is captain of a starship and didn't know about him," she answered softly. "I told him it was my decision not to tell you, and that if you had known, you would have loved him very much. Don't worry, he's not going to blame you for anything."

"Deanna…if I had known…" he started quietly.

She nodded. "I know. You would have given up your ship to come back and raise him with me. But be honest…you would have been doing it because you felt obligated, not because it's what you really wanted at that point in your life."

Will sighed. She was right. When he was younger, he was more interested in achieving his career goals than starting a family. "You could have come with me…we could have worked something out. I had the right to know we had a son," he told her softly.

"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I won't stand in the way of you getting to know him. And you can tell him you're his father however you want, on your terms. But you should probably decide on something soon, because he is a very smart boy. He'll figure it out before long," she advised.

"We should tell him together. You know him better than I do…and I'm sure he'll have questions for both of us," he stated. "What are you going to say if he asks if me being here means you and I will be together again?" he wondered, asking more for his own curiosity, wondering where he stood with her.

Taking a deep breath, Deanna released it slowly. "Ten years is a long time to be apart and expect to pick up right where we left off," she told him quietly. "I know you still care about me, and I will always care about you…but there is a lot of baggage with our relationship that is going to have to be sorted through. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago, and neither are you," she explained. She was silent for another moment before continuing. "I learned to live without you, Will. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. And while I will never be completely over you, and we will always share a very deep bond…I have moved on. I'm happy," she added softly, gently placing her hand over his to lessen the blow of her words. She knew when he had returned, he fully expected to pick things up right where they had left them. It would take time, if ever, they got back to that point.

Will was silent for a few moments, digesting her words. He realized then that he had taken her for granted for too long. He had always assumed she would be there for him when he was ready to settle down and have a family. He was wrong. Taking a deep breath, he swallowed hard. Hearing her say she moved on, was happy without him was a hard pill for him to swallow. But he knew it was his own fault. He knew he blew it with her ten years ago when he transported off the Enterprise to pursue his own command…and now he was responsible for his own heartbreak.

She felt his pain and looked down, blinking back the tears that stung her eyes; she hated hurting him. "I still care about you very deeply, but please try to understand. When you left again, you broke my heart and ripped my world apart. You left me all alone…again. You have no idea what I went through…trying to figure out where we went wrong, why you changed your mind, trying to make sense of it all…wanting you back to not giving a damn that you were finally gone and out of my life…falling apart to wanting to take your head off," she took a deep breath and sighed. "And to this day I can't get you out of my head…or my heart. But I'm not ready to allow myself to go there with you again, I'm not ready to allow myself to be so vulnerable to you again. Like I said, it took me a long time to get to this point in my life. I won't keep you from spending time with your son…but as for us, I'm not ready for anything more than good friends."

Looking at their joined hands, he took a deep breath and nodded. "I understand. I have hurt you and caused you more pain and damage than I ever realized. That will take time to repair," he sighed. He knew he'd been selfish, and he'd known that he hurt her…he just never realized how deeply he'd hurt her until now. He squeezed her hand lightly and met her gaze, locking his eyes with hers so she'd know he meant what he said next. "I know it's no excuse, but for what it's worth, I wish I never made you cry. I'm sorry for how it ended…that the last memory you had of me is that I left you, the time between what was meant to be and the mess I turned it into. I was selfish, and I'm sorry. I do love you, Deanna…more than I've loved anyone or anything my entire life," he told her, keeping his tone low and quiet so as not to be overheard by others in Ten Forward who may be trying to eavesdrop. Most onboard the Enterprise knew of the relationship between the then first officer and counselor before he left; they were all more than a little curious to know how his return and position as captain would change things.

A stray tear escaped and slowly slid down her cheek, despite her best efforts not to cry. God, she hated how this man always evoked so many emotions and made her confront such very deep feelings…and yet she also loved that about him. No one else had ever made her feel so much…both good and bad. Catching his hand and he wiped it away, she leaned into his touch for a moment and closed her eyes. She had forgotten how much comfort she could take from his touch alone; she had missed it. "Will…"

"Shh…" he interrupted with a tiny smile. "You don't have to say anything. I want to be involved and help you with Thomas however I can. Anything else with you…I'll follow your lead and be here whenever you're ready," he stated quietly, standing then. He knew they could both use a little space to recompose themselves after their conversation.

She caught his hand and offered her own small smile. "Come by for dinner. If you're ready to tell Thomas you're his father, we can do it then."

He grinned and nodded his agreement. "I'll be there."


End file.
